20 Commandments of RUGBY!!

I say unto you...

I. Thou shalt have no other sport before rugby.

II. Thou shalt not make unto thyself any graven image of a soccer player, a player of badminton or likewise a player of ping-pong. Thou art a rugby player and a (wo)man therewith. Speaketh not in tones of political correctness, but, rather, let thy voice be forthright. Let thy communication be "With you!" or "Ball, ball!" and speaketh not the lukewarm utterances of the players of other sports.

III. Thou shalt not take the name of thy coach in vain. Thou shalt obey him, and put his playing plan forth onto the pitch.

IV. Remember the rugby day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou drink, and do all thy drunkenness: But the rugby day is for thy club, and thou shalt not cause thy club to be mocked by thy drunkenness and stupor.

V. Honor thy practice sessions that thy days may be long upon the land which thy rugby club giveth thee.

VI. Thou shalt not hack or stomp. Behold, hacking is an abomination unto me, and maketh thy opponents head like unto spoiled fruit. This is not meet in mine eyes.

VII. Thou shalt not commit rugby whoredom, for, behold, whoring is an abomination unto me. Thou shalt retain thy love for one rugby club only, and not be given unto rugby whoredom like unto those of Babylon.

VIII. Thou shalt not steal. If a pitcher of beer belongeth to thy neighbor, thou shalt not touch it.

IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy referee. When he asketh thee if thou hast sinned, thy answer shall be, "Yes, sir" and if no, "No, sir." Thou shalt not speak until him until he speaketh unto thee, and intemperate statements shall thou not make unto him.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy scrumhalfs ball, but shall rather wait for him to passeth unto thee or another before playing it thyself. If thou art not the scrumhalf, thou shalt not act like him, for this causith confusion.

XI. Thou shalt not hesitate at the breakdown, but be mighty to get your rightful ball; for though it is written that the meek shall inherit the earth, this truly was a poor translation. The meek shall be trampled into the dirt is more to the point.

XII. Thou shalt not speak profanely of the Whistler, nor question the purity of his birth, even though he be blind to transgressions by devils on the other team at the ruck and the maul, and whistles them not.

XIII. Thou shalt not smite an opponent with a clenched fist, yeah, even in retaliation; for it is written that the Whistler and the Flag Waver shall assuredly miss the cowardly first punch, only to see the avenging second. Believeth that what goeth around shall surely cometh, and verily, evil men will be found at the bottom of rucks.

XIV. Thou shalt not kiss thy teammate on the mouth when he scores; for such is an abomination unto God, especially kisses in tongues, unless you play football with the round white ball and thus it is expected.

XV. Thou shalt not take the Word of the Coach in vain, for blessed is the Word of the Coach. Instead, wonder at his mighty wisdom and sticketh to His Game Plan, lest the Coach acquaintith you with his disciples coaching in the lower grades.

XVI. Thou shalt not chip nor kick for touch if thou be a prop or wear any jersey number below that of 7; for this is an abomination unto the Coach, and surely you will be His at training, perhaps everlasting.

XVII. Thou shalt not run across the field with ball in hand, but runneth straight ahead upfield; for it is written that the touchline is the best defender.

XVIII. Thou shalt not kick the ball to thine enemies unless it bounceth; for the Spirit of the bounce of the Ball may cause confusion unto them, and if thy heart be pure, make it bounceth back unto you.

XIX. Thou shalt not pass the ball to a teammate about to be smashed by the mighty enemy, unless he owes you money, or has rodgered someone dear to your heart, in which case all is forgiven.

XX. Thou shalt not vomit on thy teammates after the game, for this is un(wo)manly, and they could do it unto you.